Ready...Set...WRITE!!

It's naptime, which doesn't mean much anymore because usually its just a time i like to call out loud so Tanner knows I expect him to nap. He's not sleeping much anymore, but he's awfully quiet in there today and Sam is asleep as well. I always tell myself I'm going to get so much done during naptime, but usually i just want to be quiet so I don't disturb anyone, or check facebook, catch up on my DVR, etc. Today we went to Village Point mall which is somewhat annoying since it is an outside mall and there are limited places to park in front of the stores anyway, and it's Christmas, and I took both kids minus the stroller. I see nothing wrong with flipping a partial u turn to park in a spot on the other side of the street as I am driving. I say, whoever gets there first, sees it, and has their blinker on for it, should be there's. In retrospect, that is what started to happen today. I saw a lady leaving right in front of th store i wanted to go in, I stopped. I waited. Had my blinker on the whole time. This was perfect, because it was cold out and I've got the kids. I did not want to lug around the carseat all over so I would have had to drive around for a while waiting. Somewhere in there from around the corner and coming the opposite way a lady rolls up. I should have known she was trouble by the way she pretended not to see me with her (ugly) animal print coat. She has to wait for the car to back out, and while I am clearly inching closer and obviously waiting, she takes the bloody spot right out from under me. I almost cursed her out under my breath, but she's lucky a spot on my side of the street also just opened up. As I tried not to make that big of deal about it and started to pull into the other spot, my very intuitive 4 year old says, "Mom? Did that lady take your spot?" Maybe I should have said, "No, honey, it wasn't mine." Or "That's ok, we'll park here instead." But I preceded to tell him that she did in fact steal my spot, and how that wasn't very nice. I almost wish he had yelled something at her like, "Did you take my mommy's spot!??" Like he usually does at inappropriate times, but of course he didn't. Tis the season for parking spot stealers.

Tis the season

Fa-la-la-la-laaaa-la-la-la-laaa! With the holidays in full swing I get to thinking to myself how blessed I am for all I have. It doesn't feel very Christmassy in our house at the moment. Because our house still hasn't sold, we are trying to keep the inside as neutral as possible which is hard when Tanner wants to put up a tree and all the decorations. It's hard not to get caught up in the anxiety of house selling, but things could be worse, a lot worse. We have jobs, we can afford our house. We don't have to sell it before a certain time, so we are blessed. Very very blessed. I have so much in my life I never thought I would have let alone deserved. Mike is the best husband in the world, and I don't tell him enough. We have 2 healthy beautiful kids, what more can a girl ask for? This year, Tanner is 4, and he truly gets the Christmas thing. And while his cousin, Vince is singing 'Dreadle, dreadle, dreadle..." he gets Hanukah and Christmas, but we won't tell Tanner that until he figures it out for himself that that means not 1 day of gifts, but 9 days of gifts, and in our family with a set of divorced grandparents, it actually would average out to about 10 days of gifts, but whose counting? Tanner knows exactly what he's asking Santa for, he knows all the Christmas songs and with how full my DVR is of all the XMAS shows he's pretty knowledgable of all the movies as well. This year, we will be spending the night at grandma's house XMAS Eve so the kids can have a traditional XMAS morning with a tree and stockings hung and the whole bit. Okay, so I can have a traditional XMAS. Hopefully this holiday season, everyone has lots to be thankful for, puts others' needs before their own, and realizes the true spirit of the season which is helping those in need, doing something nice for a neighbor or a stranger. If people acted like they do during the holidays (minus the whole knocking other shoppers out for that black friday special) every other day of the year, I think the world would be a whole lot nicer.

2 kids, twice the mess, fun, memories, worry...Half the "me-time". While I sit in this leather swivel chair with Samantha in the Bjorn, rocking back and forth while she sleeps, and typing away, I now have a new definition of the meaning "multi-tasking". It's a good thing I took typing 101 in High School or I might no be able to tell where the keys on the keyboard are, since it is also dark in this room. With 2 kids down for a nap and only the white noise of the fan keeping me company, I can't help but to think about life before children. What the Hell did I do all day that kept me so "busy"? Thinking back to a couple of years ago when we had just Tanner and I decided to take on my biggest adventure yet and do something that I have always thought about doing when I didn't have kids. With two kids under my belt now, I can't possibly imagine going down to Florida or some other state by myself, for two weeks to try and qualify for a professional golf tour. It seems outragious, selfish and flat out exhausting just thinking about it. I struggle with this daily though and realize that I am not the only mother out there feeling this way, surely. Lots of moms I'm sure have such a drive and motivation to acheive all they ever wanted to acheive, kids or no kids. But Kid 1 rolls around and you still have 90% of that drive, but by kid 2 (for me anyway), the biggest drive you have for something is getting a nice hot shower in. In my house, showers are a luxery for me. I'm very lucky if I get a shower every other day. I don't have time to think about how gross that is, and I know it will change once Sam gets older and doesnt want to be held all day long, and once I come out of zombieland. Do I get a bit envious of my husband because he gets to take a shower every morning before he goes to work? You betcha. It makes me really frustrated though to have these feelings of, I'm a mom, I stay at home, so I'm done with my dreams. It doesn't have to be like that. I'm just as deserving as the next person who wants something big for themself. For me, my children's dreams are the most important thing to me now, but how are they ever going to find themselves worthy of chasing dreams and wanting big things for themselves if their own mom doesn't walk the walk? It's crucial that I don't lose sight on what is important in life. My family comes first, period. Wether I never pick up a golf club again, or pursue my golf like I used to, whats important is teaching my children through my actions and not just my words. That goes without saying in every aspect of my life. I can have that happy medium of family and all the things I love to do. I have to remind myself once in a while that my kids need me to be a healthy, happy mom, for them. My mom mever had a dream for herself and if she did or does, I don't know about it. I never understood why and always felt she settled and sells herself short. I don't want my kids to feel that way about me. I have changed as a person after I had Tanner and then Sam. My views have changed, my priorites have changed, and that's okay as long as I don't start talking myself out of doing things just for the pure fact that I am up to my knees in pee, poop, spit up and most likely dirty dishes most days. I'm still the same old me, and maybe I get lost in myself once in a while, but I always seem to find my way again. I love having two kids and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. The only thing that's changed is that we will all be going on this adventure together now, this little thing we call LIFE.

So, with our second little monster on the way and due to arrive in May/June, we can't wait to experience life with two kids, and a little girl to be thrown in the mix. Today is our 150th day of winter (or so it seems) and thanks to the groundhog, looks like we will be stuck in this season for at least more weeks. Between cleaning and fixing up and trying to get the house ready to sell, we do have things to keep us busy inside, however it's just not quite as exciting as relishing in the warm spring sun in a pair of flip flops and a glass of lemonade. Tanner is so excited for his baby geel (girl) to come. I didn't really know how to explain to him when she would come so I told him when the snow melts, it gets warm outside, and the the grass turns green, then she will come. Thanks for all the snow we have acquired over the past months I think I'm good since it's not going to melt till May probably. He's keeping busy with preschool two days a week and ice skating as well. Maybe I should tell him when he's out of school for the summer she will come, hmmm. Life is always exciting here, even when there's nothing to do, Tanner will usually find something to do. Whether it's sticking an antenna in the light socket or hiding things around the house under his bed, every day is a new adventure, and usually I'm just thankful we get through the day most days without getting hurt. We have a few more months before the baby comes and it's no longer just us three any more, but we will be a family of four, and HA, I won't be out numbered anymore! Not that I ever minded anyway, but adding some pink and purple into our lives won't be bad either.