A Tale of Two Sisters

Growing up as a kid, I always wished my parents would have had more kids. I had always wanted a little brother or another sibling for my sister and I to play with. Being it just the two of us and 2 years apart in age, we have had our share of hair pulling (literally) sibling rivalry. Not only are Cally and I close in age, we also share the same temperament, sense of humor, road rage and fashion sense (which now sadly revolves around sweatpants, t-shirts and pony tails with headbands). And not to mention that we look a lot alike, especially as kids. We both had long blond hair and blue eyes to match and the same exact laugh. The only way some people could tell us apart was by our height difference. As we got older, I stopped caring about the fact that it was just the two of us, but actually reveled in it. I loved that we shared so much. Sisters share a sacred bond that is unexplainable. It doesn't matter how far apart we are or how long we go without seeing each other, we have something that no one else in the entire world has with us. Both our own person, having our separate lives, friends and activities, but together we are a whole. She is the other half of me. Without a Cally the world (in my eyes) isn't as big, the sun not so bright, and the stars would have half the sparkle. Cally, this blogs for you. I know it's a probably over the top with sappiness and mush, and that's okay. I figure you need something to read during the days while you're at home still recovering with the baby Tyler. This will have to be a series of posts because there isn't enough time in the day to get it all out at once. OK, so here it goes. A synopsis if you will of the very early years of Matt and Cally's relationship. Warning, details may not be exact replica of actual truth (meaning, this is from my memory, not from Cally's).
Sept. 2005: Matt finally proposes to Cally after she gave him the ultimatum. Not that he was forced into marriage, just that he needed a little shove in the right direction. It basically went like this...Cally: "Matt, if you don't propose by such and such date, I am breaking up with you." Matt: "Uh, ok." Well a few months go by and this so-called "such and such" date arrives and Matt has big dinner plans for them on this particular night. They have reservations at a fancy restaurant and Cally probably was hoping that he would propose so she didn't have to break up with him somewhere between the filet mignon and the chocolate souffle. Nothing ruins a good expensive meal more than a break up.. They ate dinner. Nothing. They had some drinks. Still nothing. Things were winding down for the night and this is where things get a little fuzzy on my end. Dessert finally made its way out to the table and it was nearing 10pm I think. Waiting for the very last minute in typical Matt fashion, he pops the question! Like I said, things get a little fuzzy here, I can't remember if Cally screamed, "Good God! Look at that huge rock!" or if she mumbled in a pretend cry voice, "About time," before finally giving Matt the answer he was waiting for. Yay! for them, and YAY for me too, now I get to write a speech for their wedding. Obviously I am way over confident in my writing skills because I couldn't wait to get started. For months I would get out my pen and paper at night and try to come up with something so touching, or funny but most of all I wanted my speech to be a one of a kind, unforgettable speech that Cally and Matt would be proud of forever. Ambitious much? Probably. Here's the thing though about having a life's worth of memories about someone. Trying to put those thoughts on paper wasn't working for me. Finally the wedding day came, and I had written a couple sentences at most. Somehow between the "You two are a beautiful couple" and the "Cally, you've been the best sister any sister could ever have" nonsense, nothing felt right so I decided to wing it. It's not like me to ditch my safety net of having everything written down on paper so I don't get up there when it's time for my speech and look like a lost, stumbling (and worst of all sober) idiot, fumbling over my words. But I did it. I winged it. My speech consisted of a story centered around the time we were probably 7 (me) and 5yrs. old (Cal). Cally got mad at me for something and ended up biting her own arm so hard it bled, just so she could cry real tears and blame it on me. I don't know why I chose to tell that story and I can't say I wish I didn't, but I would have never still to this day found the words. So, Cal, if you were wondering why my speech wasn't so heart felt, that is why. It's not because I just didn't care enough to make sure it was perfect. It just was never perfect enough for my one and only sister. The sad thing about not knowing what to say at times is that for me, I always find the words I am looking for when it's too late. When I don't have that special person in my life anymore to tell them in person how I feel, I suddenly know exactly what to say once they're gone. I'm really good at writing eulogies. Isn't that sad? Luckily for you, Cally, you get to read all about yourself, because you are alive. But just don't proof read what I write because it's just not as fun when someone is critiqing their own eulogy. Not that this is your eulogy, because it's not. Let's be clear. It's...a story..of us...TO BE CONTINUED>>

Me and Cally at her and Matt's engagement party It looks like she is touching my boob, but she is just showing off her ring)
Sept. 2005





Matt, Cally and the RING

Ready...Set...WRITE!!

It's naptime, which doesn't mean much anymore because usually its just a time i like to call out loud so Tanner knows I expect him to nap. He's not sleeping much anymore, but he's awfully quiet in there today and Sam is asleep as well. I always tell myself I'm going to get so much done during naptime, but usually i just want to be quiet so I don't disturb anyone, or check facebook, catch up on my DVR, etc. Today we went to Village Point mall which is somewhat annoying since it is an outside mall and there are limited places to park in front of the stores anyway, and it's Christmas, and I took both kids minus the stroller. I see nothing wrong with flipping a partial u turn to park in a spot on the other side of the street as I am driving. I say, whoever gets there first, sees it, and has their blinker on for it, should be there's. In retrospect, that is what started to happen today. I saw a lady leaving right in front of th store i wanted to go in, I stopped. I waited. Had my blinker on the whole time. This was perfect, because it was cold out and I've got the kids. I did not want to lug around the carseat all over so I would have had to drive around for a while waiting. Somewhere in there from around the corner and coming the opposite way a lady rolls up. I should have known she was trouble by the way she pretended not to see me with her (ugly) animal print coat. She has to wait for the car to back out, and while I am clearly inching closer and obviously waiting, she takes the bloody spot right out from under me. I almost cursed her out under my breath, but she's lucky a spot on my side of the street also just opened up. As I tried not to make that big of deal about it and started to pull into the other spot, my very intuitive 4 year old says, "Mom? Did that lady take your spot?" Maybe I should have said, "No, honey, it wasn't mine." Or "That's ok, we'll park here instead." But I preceded to tell him that she did in fact steal my spot, and how that wasn't very nice. I almost wish he had yelled something at her like, "Did you take my mommy's spot!??" Like he usually does at inappropriate times, but of course he didn't. Tis the season for parking spot stealers.

Tis the season

Fa-la-la-la-laaaa-la-la-la-laaa! With the holidays in full swing I get to thinking to myself how blessed I am for all I have. It doesn't feel very Christmassy in our house at the moment. Because our house still hasn't sold, we are trying to keep the inside as neutral as possible which is hard when Tanner wants to put up a tree and all the decorations. It's hard not to get caught up in the anxiety of house selling, but things could be worse, a lot worse. We have jobs, we can afford our house. We don't have to sell it before a certain time, so we are blessed. Very very blessed. I have so much in my life I never thought I would have let alone deserved. Mike is the best husband in the world, and I don't tell him enough. We have 2 healthy beautiful kids, what more can a girl ask for? This year, Tanner is 4, and he truly gets the Christmas thing. And while his cousin, Vince is singing 'Dreadle, dreadle, dreadle..." he gets Hanukah and Christmas, but we won't tell Tanner that until he figures it out for himself that that means not 1 day of gifts, but 9 days of gifts, and in our family with a set of divorced grandparents, it actually would average out to about 10 days of gifts, but whose counting? Tanner knows exactly what he's asking Santa for, he knows all the Christmas songs and with how full my DVR is of all the XMAS shows he's pretty knowledgable of all the movies as well. This year, we will be spending the night at grandma's house XMAS Eve so the kids can have a traditional XMAS morning with a tree and stockings hung and the whole bit. Okay, so I can have a traditional XMAS. Hopefully this holiday season, everyone has lots to be thankful for, puts others' needs before their own, and realizes the true spirit of the season which is helping those in need, doing something nice for a neighbor or a stranger. If people acted like they do during the holidays (minus the whole knocking other shoppers out for that black friday special) every other day of the year, I think the world would be a whole lot nicer.

2 kids, twice the mess, fun, memories, worry...Half the "me-time". While I sit in this leather swivel chair with Samantha in the Bjorn, rocking back and forth while she sleeps, and typing away, I now have a new definition of the meaning "multi-tasking". It's a good thing I took typing 101 in High School or I might no be able to tell where the keys on the keyboard are, since it is also dark in this room. With 2 kids down for a nap and only the white noise of the fan keeping me company, I can't help but to think about life before children. What the Hell did I do all day that kept me so "busy"? Thinking back to a couple of years ago when we had just Tanner and I decided to take on my biggest adventure yet and do something that I have always thought about doing when I didn't have kids. With two kids under my belt now, I can't possibly imagine going down to Florida or some other state by myself, for two weeks to try and qualify for a professional golf tour. It seems outragious, selfish and flat out exhausting just thinking about it. I struggle with this daily though and realize that I am not the only mother out there feeling this way, surely. Lots of moms I'm sure have such a drive and motivation to acheive all they ever wanted to acheive, kids or no kids. But Kid 1 rolls around and you still have 90% of that drive, but by kid 2 (for me anyway), the biggest drive you have for something is getting a nice hot shower in. In my house, showers are a luxery for me. I'm very lucky if I get a shower every other day. I don't have time to think about how gross that is, and I know it will change once Sam gets older and doesnt want to be held all day long, and once I come out of zombieland. Do I get a bit envious of my husband because he gets to take a shower every morning before he goes to work? You betcha. It makes me really frustrated though to have these feelings of, I'm a mom, I stay at home, so I'm done with my dreams. It doesn't have to be like that. I'm just as deserving as the next person who wants something big for themself. For me, my children's dreams are the most important thing to me now, but how are they ever going to find themselves worthy of chasing dreams and wanting big things for themselves if their own mom doesn't walk the walk? It's crucial that I don't lose sight on what is important in life. My family comes first, period. Wether I never pick up a golf club again, or pursue my golf like I used to, whats important is teaching my children through my actions and not just my words. That goes without saying in every aspect of my life. I can have that happy medium of family and all the things I love to do. I have to remind myself once in a while that my kids need me to be a healthy, happy mom, for them. My mom mever had a dream for herself and if she did or does, I don't know about it. I never understood why and always felt she settled and sells herself short. I don't want my kids to feel that way about me. I have changed as a person after I had Tanner and then Sam. My views have changed, my priorites have changed, and that's okay as long as I don't start talking myself out of doing things just for the pure fact that I am up to my knees in pee, poop, spit up and most likely dirty dishes most days. I'm still the same old me, and maybe I get lost in myself once in a while, but I always seem to find my way again. I love having two kids and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. The only thing that's changed is that we will all be going on this adventure together now, this little thing we call LIFE.

So, with our second little monster on the way and due to arrive in May/June, we can't wait to experience life with two kids, and a little girl to be thrown in the mix. Today is our 150th day of winter (or so it seems) and thanks to the groundhog, looks like we will be stuck in this season for at least more weeks. Between cleaning and fixing up and trying to get the house ready to sell, we do have things to keep us busy inside, however it's just not quite as exciting as relishing in the warm spring sun in a pair of flip flops and a glass of lemonade. Tanner is so excited for his baby geel (girl) to come. I didn't really know how to explain to him when she would come so I told him when the snow melts, it gets warm outside, and the the grass turns green, then she will come. Thanks for all the snow we have acquired over the past months I think I'm good since it's not going to melt till May probably. He's keeping busy with preschool two days a week and ice skating as well. Maybe I should tell him when he's out of school for the summer she will come, hmmm. Life is always exciting here, even when there's nothing to do, Tanner will usually find something to do. Whether it's sticking an antenna in the light socket or hiding things around the house under his bed, every day is a new adventure, and usually I'm just thankful we get through the day most days without getting hurt. We have a few more months before the baby comes and it's no longer just us three any more, but we will be a family of four, and HA, I won't be out numbered anymore! Not that I ever minded anyway, but adding some pink and purple into our lives won't be bad either.

Well, it's been awhile since I've sat in this chair to blog, but life has been nothing short of chaotic lately. While we are about 3 weeks (or is it 4 now?) into our adventurous kitchen remodel, it's felt more like a move around here. While I am enjoying the finer things of life now with an oven that has a handle and sink with a garbage disposal that works (or will once Mike hooks it up) it's hard it even remember the kitchen that I dreaded seeing everyday for the past 5 years. With new cabinets, new floors, new paint...I can't say I miss the mold and mildew that used to lurk under my sink before, and the musty smell of the nicotine soaked cabinets. Before Mike started to tear apart every ounce that was the before kitchen, Tanner and I packed our bags and skipped town to Chicago, so as not to be in the way of course. I would have loved to stay and help we all know that. With Bob and Jim helping Mike every step of the way, Tanner and I got to spend some much needed time with his cousin, Caiden. Without knowing when we would be able to return home, we waited for the okay from Mike to come on home...but must sleep at my mom's. Hmmm, I wasn't sure after those couple of weeks of playing musical beds, that Tanner would even feel comfortable in his own environment again. Living out of our suitcase, even once we were home, and occassionally a plastic grocery bag for our overnighters at mom's, it was quite weird to feel as though I was doing the walk of shame every morning when leaving my own mother's house. Both of us in pajamas, looking homeless, then returning the next evening with another plastic bag that hopefully didn't have a hole in it, holding some clean undergarmets and a diaper or two for the little guy, maybe a tooth brush if I remembered. Anyways, we've now been "living" at home now for awhile, and I must say I think that Tanner is getting used to the fact and actually quite likes eating his meal on the stairs..on the floor. I've since lost an array of kitchen utensils that I remember packing, but Mike doesn't remember putting away. For now I will measure out my cups and teaspoons like they did in the old days, eyeballing it. As for all the work the boys' put in trying to give us a functional kitchen, they've done a fabulous job pretty much all on their own. They ripped out the cabinets, sink, countertops, stove, oven, subfloor. They hung the new cabinets, put in the countertop, a new sub floor, and repainted the walls and after Bob and Jim left, Mike laid the tile for the floor and hooked up the sink, which only took him 3 day, which I am amazed by considering his lack of plumber abilities. Yes, they have worked so hard on this kitchen, and I love spending time in it. I'm sure Mike will feel the same way once he takes out the grout in between the tiles and redoes it (whoops, you can't have all your cake and eat it too). I am lucky to have a very handy guy for a husband. He's never done any of this kind of construction work before we moved into this house, and has taught himself along the way to do it all. Kudos for my husband and his harworking dad and bro to fix the unfixable. We are going to be able to enjoy our new kitchen for many months to come.

Boys vs. Girls

I never saw myself as having a boy as a mom. I always pictured having a girl. Although I dreamed of having a boy, I never really new what that would be like nor could I picture it because I only have a sister and growing up it was just us girls, doing girl things and playing with girl toys. We played with barbies and dolls and kepts ourselves busy for hours, days sometimes, playing house. If ever there were a a brave little neigbhorhood boy who dared come over to our house during one of our so-called "Barbie and Ken" weddings, he was probably bored out of his mind watching us. We had no race cars for him to push around the room, unless you want to count the pink Barbie convertible. Now, having have a boy, I am really starting to notice the difference in the way boys and girls act and play and also the difference in the way parents of only boys act, and parents with only girls act. Since Tanner has turned 3, I think we have acquired at least 50 race cars, 10 trucks, 2 train sets plus the trains themselves. He will play with those cars and trucks all day and never get bored even though there is only a couple of make-believe sounds that you can come up with, one being a "VROOM-VROOM" sound and another being a "CRASH". There's only so many different ways you can say them (once). Although, he does not get bored playing with his cars, his attention span for everything else is miniscule. He craves attention every second of the day, and whether it's good or bad attention, he will do whatever it takes to get it. I haven't figured out if it's a boy thing or an age thing. Probably a little of both but when I watch my friends' with little girls as they sit and play with their dollies, compared to my boy who is maybe pushing the doll stroller but most likely racing it around the room..Or, throwing and breaking the chalk rather than drawing with it. I can't help to feel a little jealous that I can't make Tanner sit quietly for 5 seconds. Boys are just different than girls in every way. Little girls who are learning to talk will most likely not talk until they know exactly what words they are trying to say and how it is going to sound coming out. Boys will ramble on on and tell you stories all day in jibber jabber and then look at you like you're supposed to know what story it is that they are telling. I'm not sure if I will every be so lucky someday as to have a girl too, but I am sure that if I do it will be completely different and interesting. One thing is for sure, and that is I'll definitly have to change the lullaby songs that we sing at night, considering the titles: "Big Green Tractor" and "Take Me Out to the Ball Game". Yes, boys are different than girls. And for those of you out there who told me boys are easier than girls, you obviously forgot what it was like to have a 2 and 3 year old boy so I won't hold it against you for getting my hopes up. I will say at this point, and maybe I am bias, but I think boys are more fun than girls (of course, I'm bias). I love my strong-willed, kind hearted little guy who loves to play with trucks and stomp in the mud, but he also looooves his mama. He's taught me so much about life and he's only 3. Even though the good days are great and the bad days are awful, I wouldn't take back even one second with him and I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds for us...hopefully a really looong nap!