Short but sweet

Today, we went to the store. Tanner and Sam were acting wild, and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Just as I was a checking out and feeling completely drained from our trip, I hear Tanner sweetly say to the elderly man helping us bag our groceries, "Thank you so much for helping us." the cashier looked at me and I thought she was going to cry. She then went on to say that parents tell their kids to say thank you all the time but never has she heard a child say that on their own like that.". It's moments like that, that I'll remember forever.

A Tale of two Sisters Continued

Long roadtrip with sleeping baby and quiet kids= lots of time to reflect. I was thinking back to almost a year ago today. I was nearly 8 months pregnant and just found out that my sister was pregnant as well. It was a really big surprise. They wanted another baby and Vince, their son was a year and a half years old, but they weren't going to try for awhile and it was a really big surprise especially for them. I was thrilled that for that short time Cally and I would be pregnant together. I feel like it was quite by accident and miracle really if you knew all the specifics that we were pregnant at the same time. Not only were my sister and I pregnant, but we had 4 cousins on the same side of the family that had babies in 2010. I had Samantha in May and she was the second baby born in '10. It is very poignant that Cally had baby Tyler in December and he was the last of the babies in the family to be born last year. God knew that Cally was going to have the hardest time of all of us with her pregnancy and delivery. She was going to need to have us ALL healthy and recovered so we could be there for her and Matt and the boys. My sister and I had opposite pregnancies and labor/delivery experiences, but had our own difficulties as well. I have had 2 healthy pregnancies and babies, however, with Tanner's birth things got a little complicated. I labored all damn day without an epidural (stupid) and that boy did not want to come out. My body finally gave in to the pain after about 7 hours of hard contractions and I got my epidural which was the best invention ever in my opinion. Good thing I did too, because before I knew it, Mike was throwing on scrubs, 20 people, or so it seemed came running in my room and I was being wisked away into the operating room. I was terrified don't get me wrong, but exhausted was more like it and before I knew it, Tanner was born via C-Section at 11:59pm on July 18, 2006. I do remember asking the Dr. if she was sure the time of birth was 11:59pm because that's the difference of a birthday, and was it according to Sprint time or the clock on the wall because I will lay awake at night wondering if my son's birthday is the 18th or the 19th every night until the day I die. The one thing that sucked about that day, I guess not the only thing, but a really big one, was the fact that Cally lived in North Carolina at the time where Matt played ball. She was my one crutch I knew I could count on to reassure me that everything was going to be okay, besides my husband (although poor Mike should have been given an epidural just for having to go through everything with me). She's a nurse and I knew she would be asking all the right questions, making sure things were done correctly, but more importantly I knew I wouldn't die if she was there, but I could if she wasn't. This is how my brain operates. I'm the hypochondriac of the family and having a baby is no exception for my hypochondriacal ways, and everything you go through during labor I felt so vulnerable, so exposed. Your body isn't yours anymore. It has another little person in there and your whole system gets out of wack. You realize laying in your hospital bed or on the operating table in my case, that so much can go wrong. It took me a good 3 years to get over Tanner's delivery and emergency C-Section to decide that yes, I could try to do it again. Cally on the other hand had horrible pregnancies both times. The sickness got worse with the second one and she would get sick, really sick all the way up to Tyler's due date pretty much. She always seemed to lose 10lbs or so in the first trimester or later. Vince (her first) was a hard delivery for her. Things were eerily similar to my experience with Tanner. However, everything turned out perfectly in the end, and mom and baby were healthy. I knew that I wanted Cally in the delivery/operating room with me my second time around. She was still having sickness from her pregnancy when I went in to have Sam, but she made it and having Mike and Cally there was the most comforting thing in the world. Now we had to wait another 7 months to meet our other little niece or nephew. We just had no idea that a semi truck was going to hit us head on. Our family has been through scary, tragic and trying times before, most of them being in the past 4 years, so it is hard to shock us out of our system. 3 years ago in January, Mike's sister, Jennie was pregnant with their first baby, a boy that they already knew his name would be Caiden Michael. It was just a few weeks coming out of the holidays and I got the call that Jennie's water had broke. That would be exciting, if Jennie was due, however, Jennie wasn't due until the middle of April. This put her at 26 weeks. Ironically enough, Jennie and Mike live in Chicago, us in NE and my in-laws in VA. Not to mention her parents had just moved over to live in the UK while her dad was working on a project over there. I don't even think my mother in law's plane touched down in the UK yet before she was basically on another one coming back home. I flew out the second I got the news to be with Jen and Mike and to make a long story longer, with Jennie on complete bed rest in the hospital they were able to keep Caiden in her for 5 more weeks. It was reassuring to me and I think the new parents to be that Cally is a NICU nurse. They had an amazing support system at the hospital they were at and it was no surprise that Caiden would most likely spend some time in the NICU after he was born, but it was nice to hear from a family member who this is her job to take care of sick babies and nurse them to health. Feb 23, 2008 Caiden was born and weighing only 2 lb. 15 oz., he was so tiny but so determined. My sister once told me that babies fight harder than adults do to live. Caiden is a miracle, he's our miracle and seeing that we are now arriving in Chicago to celebrate his 3rd birthday tonight, it brings tears to my eyes. It feels like so much time has lapsed yet time is standing still at the same time. Every milestone is important to us with all of our kids and tonight is a night to celebrate, sing Caiden happy birthday, and watch him open all of his presents. It's also a time to reflect on how far he's come since his first little breath on this earth. Things don't ever go as we plan them, but we can take what miracles God gives us and celebrate them. More later...TO BE CONTINUED>>>

A Tale of Two Sisters

Growing up as a kid, I always wished my parents would have had more kids. I had always wanted a little brother or another sibling for my sister and I to play with. Being it just the two of us and 2 years apart in age, we have had our share of hair pulling (literally) sibling rivalry. Not only are Cally and I close in age, we also share the same temperament, sense of humor, road rage and fashion sense (which now sadly revolves around sweatpants, t-shirts and pony tails with headbands). And not to mention that we look a lot alike, especially as kids. We both had long blond hair and blue eyes to match and the same exact laugh. The only way some people could tell us apart was by our height difference. As we got older, I stopped caring about the fact that it was just the two of us, but actually reveled in it. I loved that we shared so much. Sisters share a sacred bond that is unexplainable. It doesn't matter how far apart we are or how long we go without seeing each other, we have something that no one else in the entire world has with us. Both our own person, having our separate lives, friends and activities, but together we are a whole. She is the other half of me. Without a Cally the world (in my eyes) isn't as big, the sun not so bright, and the stars would have half the sparkle. Cally, this blogs for you. I know it's a probably over the top with sappiness and mush, and that's okay. I figure you need something to read during the days while you're at home still recovering with the baby Tyler. This will have to be a series of posts because there isn't enough time in the day to get it all out at once. OK, so here it goes. A synopsis if you will of the very early years of Matt and Cally's relationship. Warning, details may not be exact replica of actual truth (meaning, this is from my memory, not from Cally's).
Sept. 2005: Matt finally proposes to Cally after she gave him the ultimatum. Not that he was forced into marriage, just that he needed a little shove in the right direction. It basically went like this...Cally: "Matt, if you don't propose by such and such date, I am breaking up with you." Matt: "Uh, ok." Well a few months go by and this so-called "such and such" date arrives and Matt has big dinner plans for them on this particular night. They have reservations at a fancy restaurant and Cally probably was hoping that he would propose so she didn't have to break up with him somewhere between the filet mignon and the chocolate souffle. Nothing ruins a good expensive meal more than a break up.. They ate dinner. Nothing. They had some drinks. Still nothing. Things were winding down for the night and this is where things get a little fuzzy on my end. Dessert finally made its way out to the table and it was nearing 10pm I think. Waiting for the very last minute in typical Matt fashion, he pops the question! Like I said, things get a little fuzzy here, I can't remember if Cally screamed, "Good God! Look at that huge rock!" or if she mumbled in a pretend cry voice, "About time," before finally giving Matt the answer he was waiting for. Yay! for them, and YAY for me too, now I get to write a speech for their wedding. Obviously I am way over confident in my writing skills because I couldn't wait to get started. For months I would get out my pen and paper at night and try to come up with something so touching, or funny but most of all I wanted my speech to be a one of a kind, unforgettable speech that Cally and Matt would be proud of forever. Ambitious much? Probably. Here's the thing though about having a life's worth of memories about someone. Trying to put those thoughts on paper wasn't working for me. Finally the wedding day came, and I had written a couple sentences at most. Somehow between the "You two are a beautiful couple" and the "Cally, you've been the best sister any sister could ever have" nonsense, nothing felt right so I decided to wing it. It's not like me to ditch my safety net of having everything written down on paper so I don't get up there when it's time for my speech and look like a lost, stumbling (and worst of all sober) idiot, fumbling over my words. But I did it. I winged it. My speech consisted of a story centered around the time we were probably 7 (me) and 5yrs. old (Cal). Cally got mad at me for something and ended up biting her own arm so hard it bled, just so she could cry real tears and blame it on me. I don't know why I chose to tell that story and I can't say I wish I didn't, but I would have never still to this day found the words. So, Cal, if you were wondering why my speech wasn't so heart felt, that is why. It's not because I just didn't care enough to make sure it was perfect. It just was never perfect enough for my one and only sister. The sad thing about not knowing what to say at times is that for me, I always find the words I am looking for when it's too late. When I don't have that special person in my life anymore to tell them in person how I feel, I suddenly know exactly what to say once they're gone. I'm really good at writing eulogies. Isn't that sad? Luckily for you, Cally, you get to read all about yourself, because you are alive. But just don't proof read what I write because it's just not as fun when someone is critiqing their own eulogy. Not that this is your eulogy, because it's not. Let's be clear. It's...a story..of us...TO BE CONTINUED>>

Me and Cally at her and Matt's engagement party It looks like she is touching my boob, but she is just showing off her ring)
Sept. 2005





Matt, Cally and the RING

Ready...Set...WRITE!!

It's naptime, which doesn't mean much anymore because usually its just a time i like to call out loud so Tanner knows I expect him to nap. He's not sleeping much anymore, but he's awfully quiet in there today and Sam is asleep as well. I always tell myself I'm going to get so much done during naptime, but usually i just want to be quiet so I don't disturb anyone, or check facebook, catch up on my DVR, etc. Today we went to Village Point mall which is somewhat annoying since it is an outside mall and there are limited places to park in front of the stores anyway, and it's Christmas, and I took both kids minus the stroller. I see nothing wrong with flipping a partial u turn to park in a spot on the other side of the street as I am driving. I say, whoever gets there first, sees it, and has their blinker on for it, should be there's. In retrospect, that is what started to happen today. I saw a lady leaving right in front of th store i wanted to go in, I stopped. I waited. Had my blinker on the whole time. This was perfect, because it was cold out and I've got the kids. I did not want to lug around the carseat all over so I would have had to drive around for a while waiting. Somewhere in there from around the corner and coming the opposite way a lady rolls up. I should have known she was trouble by the way she pretended not to see me with her (ugly) animal print coat. She has to wait for the car to back out, and while I am clearly inching closer and obviously waiting, she takes the bloody spot right out from under me. I almost cursed her out under my breath, but she's lucky a spot on my side of the street also just opened up. As I tried not to make that big of deal about it and started to pull into the other spot, my very intuitive 4 year old says, "Mom? Did that lady take your spot?" Maybe I should have said, "No, honey, it wasn't mine." Or "That's ok, we'll park here instead." But I preceded to tell him that she did in fact steal my spot, and how that wasn't very nice. I almost wish he had yelled something at her like, "Did you take my mommy's spot!??" Like he usually does at inappropriate times, but of course he didn't. Tis the season for parking spot stealers.

Tis the season

Fa-la-la-la-laaaa-la-la-la-laaa! With the holidays in full swing I get to thinking to myself how blessed I am for all I have. It doesn't feel very Christmassy in our house at the moment. Because our house still hasn't sold, we are trying to keep the inside as neutral as possible which is hard when Tanner wants to put up a tree and all the decorations. It's hard not to get caught up in the anxiety of house selling, but things could be worse, a lot worse. We have jobs, we can afford our house. We don't have to sell it before a certain time, so we are blessed. Very very blessed. I have so much in my life I never thought I would have let alone deserved. Mike is the best husband in the world, and I don't tell him enough. We have 2 healthy beautiful kids, what more can a girl ask for? This year, Tanner is 4, and he truly gets the Christmas thing. And while his cousin, Vince is singing 'Dreadle, dreadle, dreadle..." he gets Hanukah and Christmas, but we won't tell Tanner that until he figures it out for himself that that means not 1 day of gifts, but 9 days of gifts, and in our family with a set of divorced grandparents, it actually would average out to about 10 days of gifts, but whose counting? Tanner knows exactly what he's asking Santa for, he knows all the Christmas songs and with how full my DVR is of all the XMAS shows he's pretty knowledgable of all the movies as well. This year, we will be spending the night at grandma's house XMAS Eve so the kids can have a traditional XMAS morning with a tree and stockings hung and the whole bit. Okay, so I can have a traditional XMAS. Hopefully this holiday season, everyone has lots to be thankful for, puts others' needs before their own, and realizes the true spirit of the season which is helping those in need, doing something nice for a neighbor or a stranger. If people acted like they do during the holidays (minus the whole knocking other shoppers out for that black friday special) every other day of the year, I think the world would be a whole lot nicer.

2 kids, twice the mess, fun, memories, worry...Half the "me-time". While I sit in this leather swivel chair with Samantha in the Bjorn, rocking back and forth while she sleeps, and typing away, I now have a new definition of the meaning "multi-tasking". It's a good thing I took typing 101 in High School or I might no be able to tell where the keys on the keyboard are, since it is also dark in this room. With 2 kids down for a nap and only the white noise of the fan keeping me company, I can't help but to think about life before children. What the Hell did I do all day that kept me so "busy"? Thinking back to a couple of years ago when we had just Tanner and I decided to take on my biggest adventure yet and do something that I have always thought about doing when I didn't have kids. With two kids under my belt now, I can't possibly imagine going down to Florida or some other state by myself, for two weeks to try and qualify for a professional golf tour. It seems outragious, selfish and flat out exhausting just thinking about it. I struggle with this daily though and realize that I am not the only mother out there feeling this way, surely. Lots of moms I'm sure have such a drive and motivation to acheive all they ever wanted to acheive, kids or no kids. But Kid 1 rolls around and you still have 90% of that drive, but by kid 2 (for me anyway), the biggest drive you have for something is getting a nice hot shower in. In my house, showers are a luxery for me. I'm very lucky if I get a shower every other day. I don't have time to think about how gross that is, and I know it will change once Sam gets older and doesnt want to be held all day long, and once I come out of zombieland. Do I get a bit envious of my husband because he gets to take a shower every morning before he goes to work? You betcha. It makes me really frustrated though to have these feelings of, I'm a mom, I stay at home, so I'm done with my dreams. It doesn't have to be like that. I'm just as deserving as the next person who wants something big for themself. For me, my children's dreams are the most important thing to me now, but how are they ever going to find themselves worthy of chasing dreams and wanting big things for themselves if their own mom doesn't walk the walk? It's crucial that I don't lose sight on what is important in life. My family comes first, period. Wether I never pick up a golf club again, or pursue my golf like I used to, whats important is teaching my children through my actions and not just my words. That goes without saying in every aspect of my life. I can have that happy medium of family and all the things I love to do. I have to remind myself once in a while that my kids need me to be a healthy, happy mom, for them. My mom mever had a dream for herself and if she did or does, I don't know about it. I never understood why and always felt she settled and sells herself short. I don't want my kids to feel that way about me. I have changed as a person after I had Tanner and then Sam. My views have changed, my priorites have changed, and that's okay as long as I don't start talking myself out of doing things just for the pure fact that I am up to my knees in pee, poop, spit up and most likely dirty dishes most days. I'm still the same old me, and maybe I get lost in myself once in a while, but I always seem to find my way again. I love having two kids and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. The only thing that's changed is that we will all be going on this adventure together now, this little thing we call LIFE.

So, with our second little monster on the way and due to arrive in May/June, we can't wait to experience life with two kids, and a little girl to be thrown in the mix. Today is our 150th day of winter (or so it seems) and thanks to the groundhog, looks like we will be stuck in this season for at least more weeks. Between cleaning and fixing up and trying to get the house ready to sell, we do have things to keep us busy inside, however it's just not quite as exciting as relishing in the warm spring sun in a pair of flip flops and a glass of lemonade. Tanner is so excited for his baby geel (girl) to come. I didn't really know how to explain to him when she would come so I told him when the snow melts, it gets warm outside, and the the grass turns green, then she will come. Thanks for all the snow we have acquired over the past months I think I'm good since it's not going to melt till May probably. He's keeping busy with preschool two days a week and ice skating as well. Maybe I should tell him when he's out of school for the summer she will come, hmmm. Life is always exciting here, even when there's nothing to do, Tanner will usually find something to do. Whether it's sticking an antenna in the light socket or hiding things around the house under his bed, every day is a new adventure, and usually I'm just thankful we get through the day most days without getting hurt. We have a few more months before the baby comes and it's no longer just us three any more, but we will be a family of four, and HA, I won't be out numbered anymore! Not that I ever minded anyway, but adding some pink and purple into our lives won't be bad either.